dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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