Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize