Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
