I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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