I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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