we have pet lesbian snakes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
