What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i walk over a car last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
