Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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