the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
