I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
