My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
