Are we in a gay sports bar?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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