Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
