So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
someone owes me an orgasm
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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