i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
