At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
