Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize