i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
