So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
