I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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