Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
