i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
