so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize