Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
