Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
