i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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