I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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