Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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