we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
