so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
