Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
