The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
God I need to hump something, right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
