I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
