You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
