I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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