I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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