I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
