I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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