Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
