so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
