That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
