i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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