'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
