I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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