it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
