No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
