i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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