My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
