I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
