the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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