Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
