Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
