I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
