I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
