She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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