I think I am morally bankrupt
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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