There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
