Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
