It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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