i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
barbara walters just said penis...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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