You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i now understand why vodka
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
