I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
