he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
