Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
