hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
