Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
