You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
