Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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