Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
