cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
