I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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