she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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