Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
