I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
