I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
