he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
