Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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