Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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