I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
